Saturday, 3 October 2009

The Annual Feast of St Trouser


Today is the Annual Feast of St Trouser.

On this day, my tanned, finely honed athletic legs with their smooth covering of man hair disappear for their annual hibernation in cord and denim - sorry ladies. They've been appearing all Summer but now won't be seen in the public arena again until around May 3rd 2010 when they will be back, white, bald and scrawny like a photo negative of Sir Cliff Richard on another comeback tour.

It doesn't feel comfortable to be encased in heavy cotton trousers (or "pants" for any readers in North America or Heysham) but I will manfully struggle on. What a pity the kilt is not more widely acceptable in social circles so that my knees could go full-time au natural instead of being sandpapered by trousers and starved of light and air. Knees must require light for photosynthesis surely?

15 comments:

Geoff said...

Last year, for the first time, I wore shorts indoors for the whole winter. It was very liberating.

The idea of a kilt is fine until you imagine yourself in a Marilyn Monroe type situation as it blows up around your waist exposing your Scottish pants.

Rog said...

Geoff: I hope you went for the white socks as well. You've reminded me of that ride at the Kursal in Southend where they had a compressed air jet to come on when the ladies got off the waltzer. (Perhaps I dreamt this, worryingly)

Richard said...

I've noticed a depressing fashion up here among men - of all ages and sizes - for those ridiculous culottes. Either wear shorts or don't. That being said most of the locals don't even put a coat on until Christmas Eve and the the first bare legs will probably appear around Jan 2nd or earlier if the thaw sets in.

Sarah said...

I think you should spend the entire winter looking like a Prep school boy, in short trousers & long socks. That way you keep the ladies happy, you warm and still keep the hair on your knees.

Dave said...

We had to wear shorts for the first two years at Gravesend Grammar School, didn't we Rog? And caps.

Happy days.

Rog said...

Richard: Not so Cool-ottes you mean. I hadn't realised Crewe was the Magalluf of the North.

Sarah: A good plan. I think looking like a prep school boy is going to be a bit of a stretch.

Dave: It was only 1 year when I started. Only Alan Shields was left in shorts in 2A. I think he went on to front AC/DC

KAZ said...

Methinks that, when wearing a kilt, your knees are not the only twosome that would "go full-time au natural"

zIggI said...

yes it's a shame that kilts are not more popular, there's something quite sexy about them (on men) why don't you start a trend Rog?

Rog said...

Kaz: I love the sound of those swirling pipes! And you can't beat Tart in Trousers.

Ziggi: I tried it at a wedding a few years ago and felt a bit of a dick. I had to get my dirk out to defend myself.

zIggI said...

only a bit of a dick Rog? I'd have thought the main advantage would be to feel a complete dick, no?

Roses said...

You say kilt, I see Spike Milligan and can't take the thought seriously. Sorry.

*ding*

Scarlet-Blue said...

Oh, those culottes that Richard mentions are very difficult to pull off.
Sx

Rog said...

Ziggi: Oh dear.....

Roses: I was imagining more sean connery than Spike...

Scarlett: I use special velcro fasteners for my stage act.

Betty said...

If Bavarian men can wear lederhosen all year round, in freezing Alpine conditions, then I'm sure you could cope with year round short wearing in East Angular.

Rog said...

Betty: I've passed the 23 year old age barrier when anything leather between the shoes and the belt is of serious concern.