Eeee Eughhhh!!!!

Can there have been a more touching sight this week than our dear, dear Prime Minister Gordon Brown having to give up the fight for his friend, compatriot and public-school blood-brother Tony Bliar to become All Powerful Ruler of Europe, King of Brussels?

Taking out his fourth onion, Gordon's eyes misted with intense sadness as he admitted that the one thing he has been fighting for above all else is now an impossible dream.

"It would have been my final legacy to ensure that my Hero, Anthony Alouicious Bliar, would be left as our supreme Emperor to oversee our humble works in Britain on £340,000 per year plus exes. You don't realise the emotion that has swept through me whilst I've fought tooth and nail to have Mr Bliar, a proven Catholic, and his lovely, lovely wife Cheryl, Beatified by the Church of Europe. The man is already a Saint in most people's eyes for bringing peace and stability to the Middle East."

Mr Brown went on to pay homage to the new Supreme Ruler of All Europe Sr Berlingo-Van-Rumpo of Beneluxia.

"However, although we didn't get my hero and lover Tony Bliar into the top spot we have made a substantial coup in gaining a position for my famous friend Lady Violet Elizabeth-Williams-Bott as European High Commissioner for Inkwells. She will have an overall brief as Ink Tsar to ensure that Brussels Commissioners have sufficient Quink with which to sign off their own expenses, which by the way make the Westminster expenses look like playschool."

Sally Traffic

When we were in our long distance (220mile) courting stage, Mrs Rine and myself found Sally Traffic on Radio 2 a Guardian Angel as we negotiated the 4 to 5 hour journey of Motorways and A-Roads.

"Police dealing with an Incident" and "Operation Stack" were phrases we dreaded, along with "Stationery Traffic on the M6" which turned out to be a massive delivery convoy of envelopes and writing paper.

Two things about Sally Traffic still puzzle me.

Firstly, we never hear from her colleague Maureen Harvaner on air, yet every traffic bulletin is signed off, "I'll be back with Maureen Harvaner". Spooky. Where is Maureen?

The other question is why she insists on using the word "earlier" to describe accidents. "There are hold-ups due to an earlier accident on the 62" doesn't need the "earlier" as an accident that wasn't "earlier" wouldn't have happened yet. I may have to take the matter up with her.

Mind you, I suppose there could have been a lot of tanker spillages and she could be referring to Oilier accidents. Like the show, Steve.

Blue Badge Abuse

I'd like to think this recent story from Metro was true but one suspects it may have been invented by a bright spark in the IT department generating google juice from mugs like myself:

Disabled driver slapped with £40 parking ticket

By AGENCY - Thursday, November 12, 2009

Disabled driver Harold Cadwallader was given a £40 parking ticket after the sun bleached the print off his blue badge.

Wardens said they could not be sure it was valid.

'I rang the council but they advised me to put my badge where the sun doesn't shine,' said Harold, 87, of Woodbridge, Suffolk.

It's Raining Dogs and Dogs....

It's been chucking it down here.

What do you do if your dog is getting wet and you are in the rag 'n bone business?

Oz is furious. He assumed he wouldn't have to stoop much lower but he was wrong....

Grim Repercussions....

It's my birthday, but after last year's milestone I don't really want to think about them ....

I went into the lounge last night and Mrs Rine was crotcheting some cushions with the symbol of an old man carrying a scythe.

I looked over at Oz quizically.

He raised a laconic eyebrow as if to say "Haven't you seen the title of this post?"

Sonny Delight

I've been innundated recently with demands for facts about popular 60's beat combo Sonny & Cher so like a candle in the wind of popular culture here we go:

1. Sonny & Cher were responsible for arguably one of the top 5 perfect pop songs of all time, "I Got You Babe" which wafted across the World's Charts in the Summer of 1965.

2. Cher's full name is Cherilyn Sarkisian and she is the daughter of an Armenian father and a French-English-Cherokee Indian Mother.

3. Cher sang as a backing singer on iconic 60's hits including "You've Lost that Lovin' Feelin'" and "Da Doo Ron Ron".

4. Bono is of Italian extraction and his full name is Salvatore Bono. He was the Uncle of U2's Eyewear specialist and all-round arse, Bono.

5. Bono was 11 years older than Cher.  They became divorced in 1975.

6. Cher's first feature film was called Chastity, as was her only child with Sonny.

7. Sonny & Cher will long be remembered for the fact that their name was adopted by the two opposing factions in Iraq.

8. Sonny Bono went on to become Mayor of Palm Springs but died in a skiing accident in 1998.

9. Sonny & Cher were one of the few Boy-Girl Duos where the girl's voice was huskier and lower than the boy's voice.

10. On second thoughts, there is another famous example of this:

Stairway to Heaven

Walked to Banham on a glorious sunny morning today and saw some odd sights:

1. A Heeby Jeeby in a big field:

2. A big cow in a small cowshed.

3. Preparations for tomorrow's remembrance service.