Following the story that the host of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" is being given an Anglophile song and dance contest show in Japan ("Britain's Got Tarrant") comes the shock news that lightweight and talent free Cleggward has once again come through the week's voting unscathed.
"It's not fair on the serious contestants", said John Sargeant. "We practise morning noon and night, yet this lightweight chancer comes along and captures the popular vote by simply being fresh faced and new. Bastard."
Respected inside trader Piers Moron defended Cleggward and his enthusiastic approach to the competition, saying "You can have money, intelligence, talent and everything else in this life, but the most important thing at the end of the day is sincerity. This boy can fake sincerity and has got it made".