Sunday, 7 April 2013

The Department of Badgersignage

Whist on a walk this morning on the Bishop Bennett Way we came across this unusual sign:



It was supplied by Nuttalls to Cheshire County Council and had a reference number on the reverse. They must keep signs for all sorts of eventualities in stock in a huge warehouse on the Wirrall.

Council: "Is that the department of out-sourcing signage?"

DOSS: "Yes Doss here. How can I help?"

Council: "We've got a serious Badger-undermining-footpath occurrence in mid-County. We need signage urgently".

DOSS: "I've got 10mtrs, 20mtrs and 40mtrs in stock but we're waiting for the 30's to come in.

Council: "Get me two 10mtrs - make that the approximately version - I need a North and a South and I need them yesterday!"

DOSS: " OK. Did you get that delivery of 'Danger - Swans - may cause arm breakage with flap of wing'?"

Council: "Yes we did. They arrived with the 'Sheep in quantity- counting may cause drowsiness - do not operate machinery'. However, I must remind you that we took the delivery of 5000 bollards yesterday but we're still waiting for the 'Danger - Bollards' signage so they are effectively useless at the moment.

DOSS: "I'm sorry to hear that. There's clearly an issue - I will blue-sky that at tomorrow's base-touch with the Department for the Bleeding Obvious".

Council: "Thanks. Wirrall in this together. Goodbye"

15 comments:

John Greenwood said...

We have a sign that went up a few years ago between our village and the next one, (1 mile). It says, "caution, no footpath". There hasn't been a footpath since the lane was built hundreds of years ago!!

Rog said...

John: I bet the sign itself was large enough to cause an accident. The Welsh signs are a problem as they are too long to read at anything above 5mph.

Tim said...

Brilliantly eavesdropped!
You should post this sign here.
There's one on the A33 near Reading that always perplexes me, "USE ALL THREE LANES".

Nota Bene said...

Shocking really...the lane is clearly under-signposted. I can see there is a bend slightly further along, yet no sign warning of the blind corner...and that tree looks as though it might fall anytime in the next 250 years...we should be warned..

Rog said...

Tim: I was pleased to see that every Motorway matrix sign on Saturday said "Take Care when Towing". I'm still planning my Olympic Journey but may have to ditch the caravan.

Nota: The most dangerous element was tripping over the safety cones, one of which was in the centre of the pathway. I'm not even making this up!

dinahmow said...

At least the request will be "blue skied" Wonderful!

And @ Tim's "use all three lanes." I've seen that somewhere, a few yards on followed by "left lane ends.merge with care."

savannah said...

still laughing over "blue-skied," sugar. what were we talking about? xoxoxo

Pat said...

Tim: two lanes one could straddle but three????
Brilliant Monday morning post.

John Greenwood said...

There's another sign in the next village that says, "caution, narrow pavement", no shit!!

Gabrielle Bryden said...

bwhahahahahaha this must be an English thing ;)

Gabrielle Bryden said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zig said...

We went up a old ruin in Italy and on a crumbling wall some millions of feet up and without any railings was a sign that was helpfully translated to English underneath, it said "do not fall off - by law" so we didn't. Lucky we saw it really.

Rog said...

Dinah: Blue sky meetings make it easier for people to run ideas up the flagpole.

Sav: We need more blue skies here!!

Pat: Straddle. Such an odd word!

John: What about "Beware - Psycho Paths"?

Gab: Australian signs have wit and panache

Zig: I bet there were stiff penalties for those that broke that law.

Curry Queen said...

Hilarious - this ranks alongside the council painting double yellow lines up both sides of a 3ft wide alley in Swindon that was reported by the BBC the other day.

mig bardsley said...

I wonder if they have any spare frog crossing signs - ours has gone missing.