Sunday, 31 May 2009

Troubles in the Bedroom Department

Sometimes, as you probably realise, when there are "problems in the bedroom department" things are not quite as straightforward as they may appear.

There are always two sides to each story which is why you are offered below two separate versions of the bedroom problems of yesterday evening and you can make your own mind up.

First Here is My Version:

I retired to bed at around 10.00pm and was just settling down to read "Private Eye" when this creature flew in the door and started circling madly within a few inches of my head:

Keeping a cool head, I called out to Mrs Rine to alert her to the danger and opened the bedroom window. The creature became more and more animated , darting around each corner of the room in a demented fashion but eventually flew out into the night.

I leaped out of bed and shut the window. What had been a matter of a couple of minutes had seemed like an eternity.

And here is Oz's Version:

I had just retired to my soft basket in the corner of the bedroom when suddenly I heard the most terrifying scream coming from the bed. At first I assumed it was a TV re-run of Jurassic Park where a boy and girl are cornered by two ravenous and relentless velociraptors, but it seemed it was a fruit bat circling the light bulb.

Mrs Rine, who had been in the bathroom, entered the room and took charge. She opened the window, put the light out and stood in the corner calmly whilst her husband snivelled under the bedclothes muttering about bats biting his neck or being caught in his hair. (I don't know if you've seen his hair recently - if you have you may have been using an electron microscope)

She opened the window and stood still whilst the commotion continued, then quietly shut the window and went back to the bathroom. She was like Sharon Osbourne, getting on with the day-to-day whilst her husband pretended to bite the heads off bats.


Dave said...

What you need is a colander.

zIggI said...

how very exciting!
I like bats and shall be leaving the window ajar c'est soir to tempt one hither - did you do anything else special to make it enter?

zIggI said...

09.14?? Is that Norfolk Time? Here in SUNNY Wilts it's 20 passed 5 PM

john.g. said...

Girly poof!

Roses said...

No doubt Mrs Rhine thought you were having problems with your bellfry.

Z said...

Bats are surprisingly reluctant to bite, even when you pick them up. And they're so sweet, with their fragile wings and ugly little faces. I agree with Ziggi.

Geoff said...

We had a lovely night time display of bats a couple of years ago in Cornwall. Round and round in a big circle they flew, like a wall of death.

They're always gone when the morning comes.

Liz said...

Sonds batty to me.

Is Oz the dog named after Ozzy Osborne? I used to know someone who had a budgie called Ozzy. Her dog ate it.

KAZ said...

Which is true?
From what I know of Mr P it should be the second - Oz's version.
But - surely Oz (and Lily?) don't sleep in the marital bedroom.
That would cause even more bedroom disfunctions.

Sir Bruin said...

In the spirit of male loyalty, I'm going to say that I believe option 1.

Rog said...

Dave: I already knew what the date was.

Ziggi: I re-name you Norah Batty. We're so busy here it's always "Norfolk Time".

John: "..third florr...girl's blouses..."

Roses: There's nothing wrong with my belfry!

Z: "..even when you pick them up"??!!! You could discuss this with Ziggi over a hot cauldron.

Geoff: They're like the England Cricket Team... playing around at night and batting all finished in no time the next day.

Liz: Oz was really named after a sub-continent by my brother. I think "budgie" would have been a better name for him.

Kaz: There are 4 sentient beings in the marital chamber, I know how Lady Di felt. Not literally of course. The only problem is that Oz gets the blame for all dodgy nocturnal aromas.

Sir B: Thanks for the benefit of the doubt!

Betty said...

If there's a colony of bats nesting in your loft then you're not allowed to get rid of them because they're a protected species.

Think of them all screeching at night, randomly swooping down on you ...

Just thought I'd offer some reassurance.

Rog said...

Betty: I've just renamed you Batty.

Christopher Campbell-Howes said...

Which version? Let sleeping dogs lie.

llewtrah said...

Bats carry a type of rabies and you're not allowed to handle them without a special licence. best to keep out of the bat's way just in case!