Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Letters Spray

I'm obliged to Big Al who forwarded me the following alleged mis-prints and typos from Church Magazines. They are quite amusing even if possibly not 100% true!

"Next weekend's Fasting & Prayer Conference in Whitby includes all meals."

Sunday morning sermon: 'Jesus Walks on the Water'Sunday evening sermon: 'Searching for Jesus.'

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands."

"Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community."

"Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you."

"Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help."

"Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation ."

"For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."

"Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get."

"Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days."

"At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice "

"Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones."

"Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. "

"Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered."

"The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility."

"Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow."

"The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon."

"This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin."

"The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday."

"Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door."

"The school drama group will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church hall on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."

"Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance."

"The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!' "

8 comments:

KAZ said...

I blame Dave.
I like the Weight Watchers one best.

Roses said...

2nd!

I laughed and laughed at the self-esteem one.

Oh...I'm second again...never first...

*sigh*

Liz said...

That's the most I've laughed all day.

Scarlet-Blue said...

I always carry a blanket...
Sx

Dave said...

The old ones are the best.

Rog said...

Kaz: Dave wouldn't allow typos in his church magazine. It would all be cricket and gardening.

Roses: Very good self-esteem based humour!

Liz: I don't normally laugh at big forwards. Not at rugby anyway.

Scarlett: A security blanket I hope. Who publishes MP's expenses? David Blank-it

Dave: That's just a story put about by us oldies. Not you of course as you are still a decade younger.

zIggI said...

**sigh**

I've read this now Rog.

Rog said...

Ziggi, you are SOOOO demanding!!!

I have a rag and bone business to run in between all this silliness you know.