The other day a brown envelope plopped through the door (what is it about "brown" and "plopping"?) and it has placed me in an ethical dilemma which I will share with you.The Brown Missive turned out to be a form for me, as a newly turned 60 year old, to claim a heating allowance of £200 for this winter.
"What's the problem?", I hear you ask. "It's a flat rate non-means-tested benefit and your only problem is admitting to yourself and others that you're an old wrinkly. More Neil Young than Bruce Springsteen, but surgery has its risks".
Well I'm an active self-employed pillock of the internet rag-n'-bone community and pay my way with income tax and VAT so don't actually need £200 from the government to heat my house. I'm sure there are (a few) deserving people who can't afford to heat their houses themselves but I'm not one of them.
Then the voice of the expenses office can be heard. "Go on! Everyone is claiming it - it's what it's there for. It's perfectly within the rules, totally legal and you are expected to claim it unless some junior clerk flogs the CD to the Daily Telegraph in which case we're all bang to rights".
I was debating with myself whether I should forgo this government (ie taxpayer's) money because I didn't need it , when I suddenly remembered a good reason why I DID need the extra money.
MY MOAT NEEDS SORTING OUT!
That was the scene at around 7pm last night when my moat looked as though it was going to create a banking crisis all of its own.
However, fear not. Norfolk has returned to normal this morning and this was a Lily Eye view from the road at 7am.
17 comments:
hey first!
I had to do that in case there was someone else looking ad typing faster!
Do you pay tax? Well then you could claim it back and look on it as a sort of tax refund for making it thus far and continuing to support the government.
Is it any different to child benefit which is similarly non means tested?
Now you've made me feel guilty to add to all my other woes!!!
Thanks
nice moat though
What will happen to the money if you don't take it?
If you feel bad, you could always give it to a deserving charity... such as the Scarlet-Blue Charity for wayward shoes and handbags?
Sx
Or you could hold a party for your readers.
WV: spend. I think this may be a subliminal message.
If you don't claim it that money will be wasted by some other Whitehall department. Make the claim and give the money to Help The Aged.
After all, you might be old one day.
To misquote the Bible (sorry Dave) ...First I shall cast out the beam from mine own eye (i.e. repay my allowance) and then I shalt deal with your moat.
wv = lyaggin
£200 heating allowance? It makes my blood boil!
Just look on it as an addition to the miserly state pension you'll be getting in a few years. A kind of stealth pension.
Ziggi: Good idea. A sort of philanthropic governmental support. You've got several moats and a duckhouse so I respect your advice in these matters.
Scarlett: Thank goodness you don't work for the BBC where handbags are £500 minimum!
Dave: I could hold a virtual party with the actual Sauvignon Blanc which my allowance will inevitably be spent on.
Mr London: I won't be old for years yet! But I'll be HOT HOT HOT!
Kaz: Thanks for that pearl of biblical wisdom. Beaming out of one eye is Gordon's forte. I'm afraid lyaggin is a cross between lying and shaggin, those two common bedfellows.
Geoff: Don't get hot under the collar. I'll put away a fine cellar of Sauvignon Blanc for my dotage then. That's settled.
I do have a stream which is given to overflowing, if I call it a moat will you share your lolly with me? Also I don't have a duck house I have a chicken coop. You could send me the other half and I'll spend it on a duck house if you like?
60?? never Rog, how you wear it well.... did someone say party?
Your motives are good, Rog. I'm not sure about the locomotive in the moat though.
Ziggi: It's good you have an income stream and are self sufficient in nest eggs anyway.
Sarah: Dave was in the same year as me but kept getting kept down because of unruly behaviour.
Z: It was like the water ride at the pleasure beach, only the water was a bit cleaner.
And there I was thinking you were a nubile 24 year old R.
Dammit.
Nutty: But I AM!! This is just my blog persona.
Rog, take it and go on the piss! Then stand for parliament!
John: That would be taking the piss twice surely?
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