Thursday, 4 June 2009

No Strings Attached

Did I ever tell you about the village balloon race I won a couple of years ago?

It was one of those old fashioned local fete things where you write your address on a label and it gets tied to a helium filled balloon and released - the label that gets returned from the most distance wins.

Months later I was rung up one evening by someone who sounded distinctly pissed and informed that I had won the first prize. He turned out to be the pilot of a hot air balloon and my prize was a trip across cow fields, high-voltage pylons and bat sanctuaries in his hot-air propelled vehicle. I politely declined, advising him that I had a far more attractive offer having my eyelids removed with red hot pliers.
Not least of my worries was how exactly does one overcome the lack of toilet facilities in a small basket 2000 feet above the ground?

I needn't have worried on that score.
Apparently there is a thing called a wickerpeedia.


Vicus Scurra said...

You have won another prize! Most contrived pun of the year, 2009.
You get to spend a day cleaning rivers with Boris Johnson. Or alongside him, if you are at home to Mrs Pedantic.

Dave said...

I'd love to go for a hot-air balloon flight. Making their own balloon and sending the idiot member (me in this case) up in it is just the sort of things the LOTSW gang should be doing, isn't it?

Liz said...

I wouldn't mind a flight in a hot air balloon, although I do share the concern about the lack of toilet facilities. Not for nothing am I known as Incontinentia by my charming family.

Sir Bruin said...

A balloon flight is on our "To do" list. However, being as slack bladdered as the lovely Incontinentia, there may be issues.

KAZ said...


Rog said...

Vicus: Bojo cleaning rivers? Cripes! or rather Craps! Mrs Pedantic was arrested for jaywalking.

Dave: Yes. Sliding down hillsides in old baths is not so much fun in Norfolk.

Liz: You are quite near Harwich, which is handy for the continent!

Sir B: They regularly appear over our house so please let us have due warning. Our dogs hate them...I think they are seen as fire breathing monsters.

Kaz: I'm only scared of 3 things in the World. 1. Bats 2. Hot Air Balloons and 3. Everything Else. My comfort zone is smaller than Gordon's fan club.

Christopher Campbell-Howes said...

A Level Physics, June 1984:

During a thunderstorm a man in a hot air balloon urinates on to a high tension power line below. In the course of his urination his balloon is struck by lightning. Account for:

a. Any subsequent incontinental drift

b. The local incidence of fireballs

WV: babbl


Rog said...

Christopher: You are well out of date with dumbed down A Level questions!

A Level Maths June 2009

You are like in a Ryan Air flight to Ibetha or somewhere drinking bacardi and approximately 8 miles high. How brilliant is that?

a. Well brilliant
b. Banging
c. Minging

Geoff said...

So you didn't fancy going around the world in 80 days, picking up jolly Chinamen or whatever in heaven's name Fogg got up to?

Scarlet-Blue said...

There is the commonly used jug and funnel method. [For ladies]

Rog said...

Geoff: Exotic overseas travel has never appealed. I've sold Kaz my carbon offset points.

Scarlett: It's alright until you break the seal.

john.g. said...

Can't reach over the side? Or are you........... I'll leave now!

Rog said...

John: Leave the basket immediately!