Monday, 20 July 2009

Sarah Beany's New Thing

We had to rush up Norf on Saturday as Big Nana had fallen off a ladder and broken her foot. She was changing a lightbulb and had even wrested the live wires from the ceiling so narrowly avoided being electrocuted as well. Still, can't have everything.

I'm now back in Norfolk on my own and am getting used to the idea of being without my canine companions for a change and also being able to pig-out on quiches and treacle sponges. That's it, you've guessed - I've turned into Dogless Hogg. ("I'm gonna get those Duke Boys!")

To while away the time, I've been trying to help out the cash-strapped television industry which is suffering the recession with the dramatic reduction in advertising spend. Every programme is having to be re-targeted - Sarah Beany's "Property Ladder" is now "Property Snakes and Ladders" (although she's still as smug and cocky) and "Mary Queen of Shops" has become "Mary Queen of Charity Shops" (although she's even more smug and cocky).

Can any readers suggest any new revamped formats?

I've come up with:

Mediocre Designs

Time Team (With new presenter Dugless Trenches)

Holby Village

The 0.75 Show

Old Tricks

Rick Stein's Far Eastern Odyssey - Great Yarmouth


Lagging in the Attic

Second Gear


KAZ said...

Mad Man.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Come Have Breakfast With Me; Bus Trip; Bric-a-Brac Roadshow.

zIggI said...

Bungalow, Leaving the Dead Alone, Q, Olds, No Hope Springs

I don't know if I really understood the rules of this game . . .

Dave said...

Paramedic Who.

Polytechnic Challenge.

Little Sister.

CSI Norwich.

Morton Shadow said...

Going for a few randomly selected chords and some lyrical ideas sketched out on a scrap of paper?


p.s. I'm sure most of your readers are too young to remember Arthur Negro, but what the heck?

p.p.s. wv: gravera (One toe in the...??)

sas said...

A Bit Average Designs

BBC News-bites

I'm Sorry I Haven't a Penny

Z said...

Abdication Street, Decade of Grubbiness, Teleskinnies

Rog said...

These are all very good!

I thought of another one just now ... "Escape to the Piersmorganryside"

"Britain's Got Talent" could just morph effortlessly into "Britain's Got Simon Cowell"

"The Apprentice" could replace Baron Sugar of Clapton's mighty Amstrad with Swaffham Car Mart where the winner each week gets to polish a used Volvo.

The National Lottery could become regional with tickets in plastic straws to win a tin of mushrooms or talcum powder.

I hope you're reading all these, ITV!

zIggI said...

I'd love to watch an episode of the Teleskinnies!

Geoff said...

I'm bringing back the old ones...

Lidl & Large.

Nonentity Squares.

Last Of The Summer Smartprice Cider.

The One Ronnie.

Rog said...

I thought it was Nonentity Squares anyway?

It Asda be Lidle & Large!!!

Dave said...

Sale of the Week, presented by Nicholas Curate.

Richard said...

Not having a television I feel at a slight disadvantage.

Stephen Fry's new one, Principality (His old mate is also currently starring in Shed, which follows Found in the US schedules)

Coronation No Through Rd

Couple of old ones:

Men Behaving

Satnav and Lucia

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Morton was on about 'Going For a Song'...? Or am I having a memory breakdown?