Wednesday, 15 July 2009

What's Bin Did and What's Bin Hid

Every couple of months our district council distributes 55,000 copies of their expensive glossy PR Magazine entitled "Breckland Voice" which uses up around £60,000 of ratepayers contributions per year . Each issue is packed with heartwarming stories of how good the Council are at spending money and recycling.

The means of distribution is that they are left under the handle of our wheelie bins when they are emptied, ensuring that most people find the shortest possible recycling route by simply opening the lid and depositing the "Breckland Voice" inside. A bit like a ventriloquist act with a dummy and a suitcase which used to be known as "throwing your Voice".

Sadly, I have to confirm to younger readers that the famous "wheelie bin" gene does leech out of the DNA helix at the precise age of 60 - difficult to believe now, but you will suddenly be extremely concerned with all things "wheelie bin" when you reach that grand milestone. What I'm saying is that I have actually started reading the "Breckland Voice".

In mitigation, it was only because they had a competition in the current issue to "Win an Ipod Nano!" and my own trusty Nano is playing up and mixing up my "Start the Week" Podcast with my Richard Thompson "Mock Tudor" album with less than hilarious consequences.

The competition was for "Breckland Noise Week" and invited ideas for logos and catch phrases to publicise the event and promote consideration between Breckland's neighbourhoods over anti-social noise. I got to work immediately as I have always fancied my chances at slogan contests and can't actually afford a new Ipod at the moment.

Here is the result of my labours - I should have been working but thought a new Nano would justify an hour or so investment:
The application form to accompany the competition entry was only available from the Council Website, so I downloaded the PDF to send off my winning contribution and started mulling over which additional music and podcasts I will be able to fit on my new 4gig Nano.

Just as I started putting it into an envelope, I glimpsed at the "conditions" which were not mentioned in the original magazine piece:

"Entrants must be between the ages of 11 and 18 on July 31st 2009".

It's OK, I've just binned it.


Scarlet-Blue said...

Couldn't you fib about your age?
Not fair.

Sir Bruin said...

I believe that young Oz fits the age criteria?

Dave said...

I was just going to say what Sir B said.

Rog said...

Scarlett: I could try passing for 58 I suppose.

Sir B: He does, but there will be a photo opportunity with the press and his hairy sulky teenager look would ... by jove I think you could be on to something!

Dave: He does, but there will be a photo opportunity with the press and his hairy sulky teenager look would ... by jove I think you could be on to something!

Geoff said...

Mine would be "Nano, nano. Mork says shazbot that noise!"

But that kind of gives my age away.

Sarah said...

Do you know what Rog, I don't know what the ..... you are on about. Could be that I am quite tired, but I suspect it's cos I have consumed a fair amount of the devil juice at this point....mmmm

KAZ said...

Aaah the lovely Donovan.
The Breckland Voice must be written by the same folk who write the Stockport Advertiser - with headlines such as 'A Reddish Bride'.
You could have entered in Scarlet's name.

zIggI said...

I can lend you an appropriately aged offspring for the purposes of entry requirements, she has the same agent as the cat, call me :)

Z said...

What a pity. You'd have won for sure.

Morton Shadow said...

'..."wheelie bin" gene does leech out of the DNA helix at the precise age of 60'

That would be Donovan Leech, I take it Rog...



p.s. L.U.V.d the can the can slogan - Suzi Q couldn't have put it better...

p.p.s. wrod crvicification: sking. Not my favourite horror author...

Rog said...

Geoff: Very Good - it's a winner. It could end with the tagline "Mindy Noise!"

Sarah: Blogging whilst pissed is a very dangerous pastime, or pistime. I really don't know how Dave gets away with it.

Kaz: A Reddish Bride - very good. I bet they mention Upper Ramsbotham a lot with hilarious results as well.

Ziggi: Get your pupil to talk to my pupil. Is your cat proficient with using the mouse?

Z: Thanks! I think they would have been charmed and transfixed with Lily.

Morton: Very good! And well done for being the only person in the World apart from me who knows Donovan's surname (and that includes Donovan himself). I've always wanted to meet Suzi Q in real life so I could put on an American drawl and say "Audi Quatro".

Morton Shadow said...

Uncanny Rog!

That, along with going up to Bryan Ferry and saying "Haddaway and shite, though but", has always been one of my ambitions too!

If you see her, ask her how the Devilgate Drive she is, won't you..


wrud crevicifivivisectification: dionfi

Singer with the Welsh Belmonts, perhaps?

Richard said...

I heard Mellow Yellow on the wireless last night as well

Richard said...

Oh, and I've just seen you have the ability to curse. Radio 1 have finally woken up to what a twat Jo Whiley is and have dumped her show. I don't listen to Radio 1 but it's still cause for celebration.

Rog said...

Morton: The Belmonts were never much cop after Dion left.

Richard: I love the expression "wireless" - it's so retro!
And yes, in fact YEESSSS!!!!! - thanks for alerting me to Whiley AND Bowman.