Can there have been a more touching sight this week than our dear, dear Prime Minister Gordon Brown having to give up the fight for his friend, compatriot and public-school blood-brother Tony Bliar to become All Powerful Ruler of Europe, King of Brussels?
Taking out his fourth onion, Gordon's eyes misted with intense sadness as he admitted that the one thing he has been fighting for above all else is now an impossible dream.
"It would have been my final legacy to ensure that my Hero, Anthony Alouicious Bliar, would be left as our supreme Emperor to oversee our humble works in Britain on £340,000 per year plus exes. You don't realise the emotion that has swept through me whilst I've fought tooth and nail to have Mr Bliar, a proven Catholic, and his lovely, lovely wife Cheryl, Beatified by the Church of Europe. The man is already a Saint in most people's eyes for bringing peace and stability to the Middle East."
Mr Brown went on to pay homage to the new Supreme Ruler of All Europe Sr Berlingo-Van-Rumpo of Beneluxia.
"However, although we didn't get my hero and lover Tony Bliar into the top spot we have made a substantial coup in gaining a position for my famous friend Lady Violet Elizabeth-Williams-Bott as European High Commissioner for Inkwells. She will have an overall brief as Ink Tsar to ensure that Brussels Commissioners have sufficient Quink with which to sign off their own expenses, which by the way make the Westminster expenses look like playschool."