The department of MUS (Made up Statistics) often points out that, whilst 37% of households have no breadwinners and 56% of those remaining in work are employed by the State, it is SDFB's (Small Dysfunctional Family Businesses) that will lead us out of recession by creating jobs.
It occurred to me that now the GLW and myself have been trading as an SDFB for nearly 4 years, perhaps the time has come to step up a gear and bring new blood into the organisation. But where to start?
Wanted - New Head of Packing
Must be proactive and prepared to stalk free cardboard supplies in Sainsburies without a hint of embarrassment. Handy with a Stanley knife (we did say new blood wanted) and able to put up a good case against the continuous whingeing from the Head of the Accounts department concerning the amount of sticky brown tape consumed. Minimum Wage.
Wanted : Head of Photography
Must be able to work on own initiative in under-resourced back bedroom studio and produce 5000+ quality digital images per annum and process them through Photoshop against tight deadlines. Must have broad shoulders if any products do not sell or make a loss in order to survive the Lord Sugar Style blame-storming sessions that inevitably follow. Minimum Wage.
Wanted : Despatch Manager
Must have GSOH and be prepared to wait in all day for the Courier or queue up all day at the Post Office. Minimum Wage.
Wanted : Head of Security
Must be able to attend the front door within 0.45 seconds of the bell ringing and tackle intruders up to 12 times own height. Must be prepared to attend other light duties including keeping the back lawn free of pigeons and entertaining Lily. Note: This is an internship - unpaid but as much Baker's Complete Shite as you can consume.
On second thoughts perhaps the economy will have to look after itself.....