Friday, 24 August 2012

Supermarket Security

The other day I cycled to Sainsburies for some essential provisions and locked my lovely Raleigh Roadster in the racks provided.

Having acquired the necessary purchases, survived the self checkout and not made the mistake of forgetting my mode of transport and buying 12 bottles of wine, I arrived back at the bike rack. Searching my shorts for the key, all I found was a small hole in the bottom of my pocket,

Keeping calm, I decided to retrace my steps through the Supermarket which I did, methodically examining the floor of my original route and getting the odd strange look. Nothing. Rien. Nichts. Ingenting.

Starting to get concerned, I arrived at Customer Services and asked if a key had been handed in. Plenty had but not today and not mine.

Right. That's it. I could feel myself slipping down the well trodden route from suave urban new technology professional to John Cleese in "Clockwise".

Looking round the car park my eyes set upon a White Van with a White Van Man sitting in the driving seat.

"Excuse me my good fellow, I wonder perchance if you have a pair of bolt cutters upon your conveyance?". I probably didn't use these actual words but I felt as though I was in an early Ealing Comedy or Bernard Cribbens novelty song.

The man eyed me like something he'd accidentally trodden in. White Van Men and cyclists are not natural bedfellows. In fact I can't remember sleeping with a single one.

After what seemed like minutes being looked up and down, beads of perspiration dropping from by brow, the Man slowly climbed down from his seat, ambled to the the rear doors and shuffled around in the "Luther". Eventually he emerged with a large pair of ...YES.... Heavy duty Bolt Cutters!

Resisting the urge to give him a stout manly hug, I led the way over to my bike. I could hardly believe my good fortune in finding bolt cutters on a Supermarket car park. It must be Karma - or probably I should have been Karma! Fnnarr. I was ecstatic.

Amazing how moods can swing 180 degrees in an instant. I held up the bike chain to the Man and his mighty tools and in doing so I noticed a small silver protrusion from the lock itself.

It was the key.

17 comments:

Sir Bruin said...

I believe that replacement bike locks can be obtained quite cheaply on Ebay. Serves you right for not riding a proper bike!

Liz said...

I believe that is what is known as a senior moment, Rog.

Nota Bene said...

Feck.

Glad you unlocked the mystery of what had happened to the key

Martin said...

A key moment in your life, Rog.

Z said...

What an exciting chain of events. I feel locky to know you, Rog.

Mike and Ann said...

Lovely story Rog. We, like the Walrus, 'deeply sympathise'. As Liz says - a senior moment; but at least it had a happy ending, unlike the walrus one quoted above. Well, not if you happened to be a mid Victorian oyster- the walrus (and the carpenter) were alright.

jonstorey said...

I have some Araldite somewhere...........!

Macy said...

Shocked that your iPhone doesn't have an app for that yet...

allotmentqueen said...

I once took the kids (when they were about 11, 7 and 3) to buy some football shorts or some such thing. Parked the car in mall-type carpark and went off shopping. Coming back to the car I couldn't find the keys anywhere. Went back into sports shop, walked all the way round, couldn't find keys. Traced steps back to the car (exactly) - couldn't find keys.

As you've probably worked out by now, they were in the driver's door. Luckily, although it was a Range Rover, it was a 1979 one (which is still my main car incidentally) which at the time was over 20 years old so clearly of no interest to any toerags.

Technogran said...

I can empathise with this situation, and were I a bike rider, it would probably occur almost every week. It's one reason why I'm glad that I don't own a car, I would no doubt forget where I'd parked it.

Rog said...

Sir B: My bike is cheaper to run! No raleigh it is.

Liz: I wished I could have lit up a hamlet. That pesky restraining order...

Nota: I should think about using a combination lock but losing a mental key would be even worse

Martin: if it had been another town the key would have been Disscordant

Z: I should be so Locky, as Kylie once observed

Mike: I would perhaps have been better with one of your fancy 17C locks!

Jon: Uhu!

Macy: I suppose I could then have lost my iPhone . Then I'd have to kill myself!

AQ: well thanks for making me feel less numpty! Perhaps they stole it and then brought it back?

Rog said...

Techno gran: hello and welcome! I bet you're going to tell me you travel everywhere by steam train...

Technogran said...

I wish! I would do so if they still went everywhere but sadly I have to make do with the occasional excursion to anywhere.

allotmentqueen said...

Actually in the late '60s my mother used to leave her car in the market square with the keys in the ignition and the door unlocked. It was a Renault 4 and if you took the keys out of the ignition it was tricky getting them back in.

Pat said...

Hurrah - a kindred spirit!
Now about that hole in your pocket. I'm sure Mrs Rog will oblige:)

mig bardsley said...

I have left the car key in the boot lock at least three times. Once I returned to find a note on the windscreen saying the key was in the pub across the road and once (after leaving it in the Oxford Park and Ride, all day) I found the key in an envelope under the rear windscreen wiper.
Nobody would have stolen my car anyway as it was full of unpleasant looking child debris but aren't people amazingly nice sometimes.

savannah said...

*sigh* i know the feeling, sugar! i now have a clip attached to my purse that i can hook my keys on as soon as i get out of the car or leave the house. my daughter suggested i get a nice chain, attach the keys to that and wear them as a necklace. *double sigh* xoxoxo