The other day I cycled to Sainsburies for some essential provisions and locked my lovely Raleigh Roadster in the racks provided.
Having acquired the necessary purchases, survived the self checkout and not made the mistake of forgetting my mode of transport and buying 12 bottles of wine, I arrived back at the bike rack. Searching my shorts for the key, all I found was a small hole in the bottom of my pocket,
Keeping calm, I decided to retrace my steps through the Supermarket which I did, methodically examining the floor of my original route and getting the odd strange look. Nothing. Rien. Nichts. Ingenting.
Starting to get concerned, I arrived at Customer Services and asked if a key had been handed in. Plenty had but not today and not mine.
Right. That's it. I could feel myself slipping down the well trodden route from suave urban new technology professional to John Cleese in "Clockwise".
Looking round the car park my eyes set upon a White Van with a White Van Man sitting in the driving seat.
"Excuse me my good fellow, I wonder perchance if you have a pair of bolt cutters upon your conveyance?". I probably didn't use these actual words but I felt as though I was in an early Ealing Comedy or Bernard Cribbens novelty song.
The man eyed me like something he'd accidentally trodden in. White Van Men and cyclists are not natural bedfellows. In fact I can't remember sleeping with a single one.
After what seemed like minutes being looked up and down, beads of perspiration dropping from by brow, the Man slowly climbed down from his seat, ambled to the the rear doors and shuffled around in the "Luther". Eventually he emerged with a large pair of ...YES.... Heavy duty Bolt Cutters!
Resisting the urge to give him a stout manly hug, I led the way over to my bike. I could hardly believe my good fortune in finding bolt cutters on a Supermarket car park. It must be Karma - or probably I should have been Karma! Fnnarr. I was ecstatic.
Amazing how moods can swing 180 degrees in an instant. I held up the bike chain to the Man and his mighty tools and in doing so I noticed a small silver protrusion from the lock itself.
It was the key.